You're completely useless in the revolution.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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