Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
