I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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