you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
