i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
