Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
