after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
