I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
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