as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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