TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
