I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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