When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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