Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is Oprah even human
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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