Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
