She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
