chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
