i always forget guys have bellybuttons
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
