my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
