What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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