Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
