You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
