The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
