i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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