you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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