I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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