We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
