Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I touched a dick in church today
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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