Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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