I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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