Fine. I'll sleep in my office
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
