I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
