just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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