Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
