I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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