Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
