A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
