They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
