It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
