5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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