Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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