You can't special order awesome
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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