i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
