I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
