It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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