Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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