we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
