You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
