watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
