so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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