and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize