dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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