now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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