So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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