OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
