So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
