Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
