I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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