don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
