he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
