thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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