your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
